you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I did not marry a roomba.
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