and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
