I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
