You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
