so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
