ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
