I smell stomach acid.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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