how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
