I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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