Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
