We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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