Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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