i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I have post one night stand depression
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
