Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
