I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
