You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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