my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
