You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How does one acquire holy water?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
