the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
