I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
