I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
