god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
