why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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