Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
