So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
