Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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