omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
