I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
