Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
