so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
