Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
