can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
