tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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