if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
