I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
