he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
