chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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