Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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