i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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