So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
