I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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