alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
