Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im part way to drunk.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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