Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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