My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
