i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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