Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
