i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
