I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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