chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
